like i would love to know what other people experience w this because some very thoughtful comments have brought up stuff that is adjacent to or intersects w what i am talking about but is also kind of distinct from what originated this post.

a while ago someone made a post (not on here) that ppl need to accept that disgust is as fundamental a feeling to horror as fear and that illuminated something particular for me. like. there are a lot of horror movies that have scared me but didnt really stick with me. im quite easy to scare in some regards. if theress something watching people that the people can't see ill invariably need to sleep w the lights on for at least a week. i have a hard time walking past mirrors in the dark even when i havent engaged w any media about ghosts or hauntings or whatever. but even tho those scare me, they like generally dont leave me feeling deeply affected emotionally once the movie ends even if they set off some chain reaction of obsessive/intrusive preoccupations about ghosts in dark mirrors. and i almost never really hear people talk about supernatural-malevolence prestige horror movies as media that cracks them open or truly upsets them in a way they cannot move past. maybe thats just the circles im in or the people i know. like i also know some ppl have phobias abt zombies so. i cant universalize. and again i would have to do a thorough review of the literature to fully speak with authority on this and i simply have not done that but like. INNNN MY HUMBLE EXPERIENCE people tend to cite movies like hereditary or talk to me or even something older like it follows as being examples of what 'good horror' can be and while i think they are good movies and probably good horror movies, self-described cinephiles dont tend to talk about them (again only in my experience) as being particularly upsetting or disturbing movies or movies that leave them feeling deeply shaken or viscerally emptied once the experience is over.

and like. thats fine. the goal of the entire horror genre doesnt have to be "fuck your audience up irreparably every single time" and i don't think that having or not having that goal is what defines a good horror story. ALL IM SAYING is that ive noticed a pattern. ie that people who typically talk about liking "interesting" horror or "prestige" horror are somewhat averse to the possibility of feeling fucked up irreparably and seem to be in pursuit of something that feels tense and surprising or thrilling or startling but not fully devastating. and like obviously there is a lot to be said about whether or not one can feel 'truly' devastated via the voyeurism of film, or books, or games¹ but i do think disgust and deep upset are feelings that dont sluice off the spirit quite as easily as the televisual equivalent of riding a rollercoaster. i feel the need to qualify that i dont think the latter is "worse" or anything. i do just notice that when people talk about "interesting horror" or "thoughtful horror" they tend to be referring to an experience that is closer to the latter than it is to the former.

anyway.

this feels like a lot of posturing doesnt it?

or maybe like im setting up some kind of binary between "disgust" and "fear" when obviously that is not real. i think anyone who deals in horror either making it or consuming it or whatever would tell you that you need the tension of terror to nearly suffocate the audience so that the cruel reveal of the horror really lands. even smthing like splatterpunk/gore-porn/shock content contains an element of terror even if these things prefer to shock and awe the audience. obviously its up to the creator and the audience member to decide what they prefer in this balance. what im saying tho is that within 'prestige horror' there seems to be an overwhelming abundance of creepiness and not-quite-terror and a general rebuke of the revolting, the disgusting, the upsetting, the disturbing, or even just the absolutely heartbreaking, aka the things that one might define in the end as the horror "payoff" (if we can call it that) of the terror.

and ykw? often i find that i am seeking the latter in horror. not all the time obviously and not in every form of potential disgust — but i do find something tempting or perpetually alluring about being shocked out of my own system or shattered in my own heart. i dont even think of myself as much of a horror fan but i return to this space of gutting semi-frequently.

and ok. to be real for a second: sometimes i think this is the byproduct of privilege or that it is indicative of a particularly untroubled life. like. i must have a very secure material reality for misery to be a thing to dip in and out of. and like it's true i have had a v privileged life. but i think also this is a weird presumption on behalf of the dominant culture in the united states that only the comfortable seek out discomfort as a kind of entertainment. i wouldnt even say i seek these things out (either to experience them or to make them) to be entertained at all, even though i would also argue that part of the appeal of any story is that it is a good/entertaining story. idk. these things are complex. but still. entertainment doesnt cover it.

as anne carson wrote in grief lessons:

Do you want to go down to the pits of yourself all alone? Not much. What if an actor could do it for you? Isn’t that why they are called actors? They act for you. You sacrifice them to action. And this sacrifice is a mode of deepest intimacy of you with your own life. Within it you watch [yourself] act out the present or possible organization of your nature. You can be aware of your own awareness of this nature as you never are at the moment of experience. The actor, by reiterating you, sacrifices a moment of his own life in order to give you a story of yours.

i think about this a lot in the same way that i think about 'disgust is as fundamental a feeling to horror as fear' a lot. i cant say i fully agree w carson, like i just dont think all abject horror is appealing solely bc it allows me to examine the story of my own life. but i appreciate that she dismisses the idea that these things are about entertainment. i can speak for no one but myself, but feeling sick-to-my-stomach disgusted or just fucking miserable is not really entertaining or even particularly pleasant even if it is somehow reassuring or (sometimes) pleasurable.

but i do think i converge w carson in this respect: the abject or the disturbing is very intimate. isnt it quite something to let someone see you, to see someone else, when both of you have nothing left to lose? it's hard to forget what someone looks like when they're begging for their life; hard to make someone forget what you looked like when you shoved a shivering human being aside because their diarrhea in the moment disgusted you. it's hard to show someone what you look like when youre babbling and pleading and drooling in the throes of desperation. we hide those things for a reason. theres a binding-together between people in that space of disgust that exists nowhere else — and isnt that scary. but isn't it also refreshing. someone else is stuck there with you and knows it's scary. you sacrificed the actors but so did the director the writer the rest of audience. we're all down here in the gutsludge pit together, bound to each other in the unforgettable moment of wanting to puke. even if we close our eyes, it's too late.

these are the things i think prestige horror thrusts aside.

¹ fwiw i would say yes it is. once you cross a particular threshold for 'disturbing images' i do think julia kristeva's logic in the powers of horror kick in. when confronted with the sufficiently abject even if its only in video form, the ability to distance oneself from a visceral reaction begins to disintegrate. watching someone eating their own puke on video elicits the same response as watching someone eating their own puke in real life. there is no symbolic intermediary in place for the video anymore — the response is visceral either way. the threshold for this breakdown just varies from person to person. either way i do think that something like content moderators suffering from PTSD after repeat exposure to "just videos" of violent content more or less reifies kristeva's argument (and my own lmao).